Official health guidelines published recently indicate that expectant moms who follow traditional advice to ‘eat for two’ during pregnancy face an increased risk of complications in subsequent pregnancies.

The Guardian reports that the view that mothers-to-be should ‘eat for two’ is a myth, and that such advice is likely to make pregnant women gain excess weight that they might find difficult to shift. Gaining even one or two pounds can put you at risk of health complications in subsequent pregnancies, and moms are advised to lose all their baby weight before getting pregnant again.

“A woman’s energy needs only increase in the last three months of pregnancy, the National Institute for Clinical Excellence (Nice) says, and then only by around 200 calories a day – less than an average chocolate bar.”

Dammit. That’ll be why I kissed goodbye to my size 10 skinny jeans when I said hello to my baby boy back in January 2005, then. It seems so cruel to tell me this now, two babies and roughly two stone later. And I don’t know about you but my extra calorie consumption during pregnancy had little to do with the idea that I was supposed to eat for two, and everything to do with the fact that fatigue and nausea only seemed to let up when I gorged myself on carbs. Mind you, five years later that sounds like a lame excuse for the extra inches that are still hanging around.

“But Nice also warns against trying to lose weight too quickly, and says media stories about celebrity claims of ‘unrealistic and rapid weight loss’ after pregnancy were unhelpful. ‘This may create additional pressure on women to lose weight inappropriately at an already stressful time,’ its guidance says. Pregnant women should also be told that moderate physical activity, like cycling to work, will not harm them or their unborn children.”

So we shouldn’t gain weight or eat for two, but we shouldn’t lose weight too quickly either. Damned if you do and damned if you don’t. What do you think of the guidelines? Did you eat for two and struggle to lose the baby weight? Does anyone really feel pressure to lose weight after giving birth because of all those post-pregnant skinny celebs? Am I completely alone in seeing those pics as legitimate reason to console myself with another custard cream? Joking aside, how do you really feel about your post-pregnant pounds?

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First there was Too Posh To Push – the elite set of Mums, led by the likes of Liz Hurley and Victoria Beckham, who opted to give birth to their babies by elective c-section, not for medical reasons but simply because, well, they were supposedly too posh to push. Now it looks like we’re about to witness the emergence of a whole new category of celebrity-inspired parenting: Too Famous To Feed.

Celeb mum Denise Van Outen is the poster girl for this new movement. She gave up breastfeeding after three weeks according to an interview published in the current edition of SHE magazine. DvO, who gave birth to daughter Betsy in May, reportedly said: ”I probably should have persevered a bit longer than three weeks. But I’ve had paparazzi sat outside every day since I had her and I can’t be sitting in Starbucks and breastfeeding, because they’re taking pictures.”

Er, that would be the same Denise Van Outen who seemed to spend most of the ’90′s posing scantily-clad for lads magazines? Oh look, and who repeated the experience just recently with Melanie Sykes, to publicise her role as host of The Five O’Clock Show on Channel 4. And the very same woman who thought nothing of working out with a personal trainer in a very public park in front of the paparazzi just weeks before she gave birth. I don’t know about you, but I’d much rather be papped discreetly nursing a newborn than stripped to my undies or panting my way round a park in jogging pants.

Now let’s get one thing straight. We’re not having a go at Denise for giving up breastfeeding. According to SHE she also hinted at other factors which influenced her decision to switch to bottle-feeding, saying she wasn’t producing enough milk and that her husband, Lee, wanted to be able to feed their daughter too. The last thing a new Mum needs is to be criticised or judged for her decisions – coping with a newborn is a monumental challenge on its own, without anyone sticking their oar in and telling you you’re doing it wrong. Far be it from us to bitch about breastfeeing vs bottle-feeding. As long as you feed your baby, you’re doing your job as far as we’re concerned.

What irks us about this storm (in a bra cup) is the idea that being seen breastfeeding is something to be embarrassed about. Um, hello? Has no-one told Denise about Haute Mama’s range of nursing covers and ponchos? We’re feeling feisty over the fact that breastfeeding has been getting a bad press of late. It’s neither creepy nor impractical and while women who really ought to know better keep implying that it is, scores of new mums are probably being put off breastfeeding altogether. And that’s no better than bullying or guilt-tripping them into it. We’d like to see some balance in the breastfeeding debate, and we’d love to hear celeb mums extolling its virtues and talking about it like it’s a normal part of motherhood.

Denise is also quoted as saying: “Another time, I was at the back of a really long queue at the Post Office to get Betsy a passport, knowing that in the next half-hour she was going to wake up and cry, wanting a feed.” Most new mums have been there, and it must be seriously horror-inducing when you’ve got the added factor of strangers scrutinising your every reaction just because you’re a celeb, but maybe there’s also something to be said for the days of the babymoon, when new mums prioritised languishing at home, getting to know their new bundles instead of dashing off to Starbucks or the Post Office. We’re not saying mums should be housebound – I was out having coffee within 24 hours of having my second baby and felt all the more human for being able to do so – but I sometimes wonder if we’re just way too keen to resume normal life, and too reluctant to slow down long enough to treasure our new life with a newborn. After all, Starbucks will probably always be there. Our babies won’t.

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On a rainy day on the Emerald Isle, it can be tempting to assume that motherhood must be easier somewhere sunny. But is it really? For the first 18 months of her daughter’s life, our very own original Haute Mama was a Stateside Mom. So here at Haute Mama Towers we decided to grill her about the experience, to find out whether American Moms have it easier than their Irish counterparts. All those sunkissed celeb Moms make it look so easy! She even asked her friends what they thought…

Originally from Cork, Jill is a Mom who now calls San Francisco home. Her verdict on whether life is different for Moms Stateside? Location, location, location. She said; “I think that there might be a significant difference depending on where in the US you’re talking about. For example, a Mom in the SF/Bay Area, NY, or Boston is going to have a really different experience than a Mom in the Mid-West of America.” (We’re going to hazard a guess and assume the former might be, um, more fun.)

So what about the age-old Working Mom vs. Stay At Home Mum debate? Does one side of the camp have it easier on the other side of the pond? Jill reckons that all depends how wealthy you are and where you live. She says; “I find Moms generally biased to being Stay-At-Home-Moms, but the colleagues that I work with obviously chose to live here in the Bay area, and to work. There is a great support mechanism for working Moms. There are magazines available for free on Parenting, and on resources for kids activities, plus Moms clubs for each local area. I also have supportive bosses, and daycare based at my workplace – although this isn’t common, we are spoiled with that!”

Jill also rates the urgent care Stateside for after-hours visits to the doctor. “Provided you have good medical coverage,” she adds. “I can’t imagine how tough it must be without it here.”

But it’s not all sunshine and doughnuts for LA Moms. Jill admits that she misses her  family – that trusted support network we can all too easily take for granted – and her friends, specifically ones from her childhood who are somewhat more accessible from Ireland.

Jill adds, “On the prospect of moving home to Ireland, what I don’t imagine I’ll miss is the lack of parks and museums in Cork. They are two-a-penny here in the Bay Area. It’s just incredible the amount of options we have each morning (when I’m not working).”

Anything else she’ll miss? I’ll give you a guess. It starts with ‘s’ and ends with ‘unshine’!

Saoirse is a Mom from from Galway, currently living in Florida. She finds baby-friendly facilities far superior in the US. “I was stunned when I came home with my baby girl and realized that it was near impossible to find a spacious, clean facility to change and nurse my little one. I know that the lack of malls in Ireland means that these facilities simply do not exist but I found the café’s and restaurants on trips home grossly inadequate.”

Claire, a Mom from Mayo, now living in Boston, can live without the baby facilities in malls at home in Ireland as she doesn’t get out shopping often with three little lovelies at home. But since she relies on online shopping to send gifts to her nieces, nephew and the children of friends, she finds the lack of online stores for children and babies frustrating. (Obviously Haute Mama solves all those problems for her, and with a wonderful gift-wrapping service thrown in!)

Kate, a Mom from Dublin, now living in Connecticut, finds the biggest difference between Irish and US moms is apparent within the first five minutes of conversation. “Within 5 minutes of meeting an Irish mom the chat is usually on something like whether it’s ok to have a half glass of wine while nursing. Within 5 minutes of meeting a US mom I’m intimately aware of the details of her episiotomy. I find American moms to be far less self-conscious. Not always in a good way though!”

So there you have it. Life might be sunnier for Moms in the States but what they gain in terms of facilities and sunshine, they sacrifice in terms of the family life, craic, and altogether Irishness of life on the Emerald Isle. Maybe we could come to some arrangement with our US counterparts on the sunshine? You send us some of that, and we’ll send you some sunny Irish charm and cheer…

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Oh, how we squirmed and giggled here at Haute Mama HQ when we recently stumbled across this little gem of a clip on You Tube.

It’s all about the Marshmallow test – an experiment devised by Walter Meschel in 1960 to determine a child’s impulsivity, or capacity to cope with the concept of delayed gratification.

The premise is simple, if excruciating. You give a child a single marshmallow and explain that you’re leaving the room for 20 minutes. If they haven’t eaten it by the time you come back, you’ll give them another one. Alternatively, they can eat the marshmallow straight away but if they do so, they won’t get a second one. The child who resists temptation is rewarded with the gooey goods in the form of a second marshmallow, while the child who can’t wait gets only one.

The point? Apparently the way a child responds to this test at the age of 4 years old determines how they’ll cope with bigger challenges later in life. Mischel found that 100% of the children who resisted the urge to eat the marshmallow did well at school, while 80% of those who were overcome by temptation and settled for the instant gratification of a single marshmallow had problems paying attention at school and maintaining friendships with their peers.

Cue yet more parental paranoia here at Haute Mama Towers. We are a little freaked out at the notion that our offspring might be destined to a life of haphazard impulsivity, unable to wait for ANYTHING, if they don’t pass this test. The lovely Fiona, the original Haute Mama, confessed thusly: “I kind of convinced myself that my daughter probably wouldn’t pass this test because of the pesky marshmallow.  She has her father’s focus when she’s working on something (Daddy is an optical engineer – yawn) but she is completely her mother’s daughter when it comes to sweet things. I have no willpower when it comes to candy (especially those gummy snakes, mmm) and yet I’ve turned out reasonably well adjusted (?) and can wait for lots of other things, and even enjoy the anticipation that comes with waiting. So perhaps she’ll turn out fine after all. Albeit with a sweet tooth.”

What do you think? Would your child dive right in, sacrificing the loss of a second marshmallow for the joy of an instant sugar hit, no matter how short-lived? Or would your little one restrain themselves by any means necessary in order to buy a double dose of deliciousness? And does it really matter? You could argue that the child who lacks control over their impulses when it comes to sweet treats is simply a pleasure-seeker, destined not to a life of doom but to one of spontaneity and fun. We know plenty of adults who have even less control over their impulses than the kids in that video, and yet they’re often the life and soul of the party – the people everyone loves hanging out with. So maybe self-control is over-rated?

We haven’t had the heart to try this on the Haute Mama offspring yet – it seems a little cruel – and we’re not sure how we’d fare under such test conditions either. What’s that you say? How would we like a G&T with ice and a slice right this very second? Or two, if we’re prepared to sit and stare at the first one for half an hour. Now that’s what we call an agonising decision.

What would you do? And do you think the ability to delay gratification really matters?

Picture credit: D Sharon Pruitt

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